Can you predict which times of the day are likely to leave you frayed around the edges?  Most of us can.  If so, evaluate your schedule.  Find the problem spots:  the most common times are getting out the door in the morning, getting ready for dinner, and going to bed.  Talk with your partner or a friend and brainstorm ways to help the problem by changing the schedule.

For example, every weekday morning for five months, I listened to my toddler stand by the shower and scream, jumping up and down and wanting to be held while I showered.  It never occurred to me to go to the gym ten minutes earlier so I could shower before I came home. 

Another example:  ask any experienced mom if she has a crockpot and she will probably say "yes."  This is because she has figured out that making dinner is easier in the morning when the kids are not climbing on her and needing attention like they are later in the day.

One more example:  a friend of mine plans playdates for her preschoolers during the "bewitching hour" of late afternoon when her boys are normally fussy and her patience is wearing thin.

Step outside of the box and look in at your schedule from an observer's perspective and perhaps you will have a different view of how to tweak the system.

Love and Logic® Tip: Turning Your Words From Garbage To Gold

Do you ever feel like you might as well be talking to the wall when you are telling your kids stuff they need to get done?  I've heard myself say, "Landon, pick up your stuff, please."  After I've watch him disregard me, I've murmured to myself, "Or not...." and been frustrated that no one is listening to all my great ideas and commands.

Instead of giving commands, try using an enforceable statement.  That is something you can actually follow through with.  I cannot physically force Landon to pick up his things, but I CAN enforce, "I'll be happy to take you to your friend's house as soon as your toys are picked up."  It's tough to forcefully brush a little person's teeth, but it's easiy to enforce, "I'll start reading bedtime stories when your teeth have been brushed."

When you are thinking of an enforceable statement, think of what you are willing to:

Do:  "I'll tie your shoes after you ask me nicely."

Provide:  "I'm serving snacks to kids with clean hands."

Allow:  "I'll let you go to Nate's house as soon as you've practiced piano."

My first priority in a day used to be the list of chores I planned to get done that day.  Invariably, my toddler had a different agenda, one which included having me sit down on the floor and play with him.  I would say “wait, wait,” while I hurried to get finished, during which time he’d start hanging on my legs, crying, whining, and generally driving me nuts.  I would get more tense and annoyed, thinking “can’t you see that I am hurrying?” and we would both escalate. 

An approach that worked much better for both of us was when I would “stop, drop, and play.”  When I would stop what I was doing, sit down and play with him, even for just a few minutes, he would be happy.  I could then get up and finish my work while he was happily engaged with the puzzle or activity we just started together, and that made me happy.  Saner.