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Mom: High Achieving and the Hazards of Being One

Are you a high-achieving mom? Did you work hard and get good grades in school? Or do you go after your goals and expect to achieve them? Are you committed to being a good mom? As well as willing to work hard?

I know your type. It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time.

December is a risky time for moms like you and me. But, we have a lot of great ideas about how to make the holidays special for our loved ones. We love to do thoughtful things. The ones that make the house look pretty and give meaningful gifts and make great things to eat. Moms like us value showing appreciation and being charitable. Loving that feeling of bringing the magic alive for our children is also one of the greatest ideas you and I can make for the holidays.

But just because we CAN pull it off, that doesn’t mean that we SHOULD.

I will shift into big sister mode for a minute and share what I wish I had known when my kids were younger, and I was racing around, making the holidays magical for them.

I wish I had known:
  1. How little my grown-ish kids remember about what I drove myself crazy trying to get things done in December when they were young.
  2. That I could pick and choose which traditions I had the capacity for any given year and give myself permission to skip some years for some traditions.  (Here are some examples: holiday cards, Christmas festivals, homemade teacher gifts, delivering hot fudge sauce to neighbors. I didn’t have to execute every fun idea every single year for my kids to have great memories of these activities).
  3. What would bring me tears of regret as they grew up would NOT be about how well I decorated or how many holiday activities we did. The guilt would be about not creating enough space in myself and my schedule to BE with them in a relaxed state, doing the things that make them feel seen, known, and loved.

What my “been-there-done-that” self wishes that I could have whispered in my younger self’s ear: “I see that you are working so hard and doing so much to make Christmas so special for your boys and so many people in your orbit. It comes from good intentions. You are a good mom. And being a good mom is not dependent on all you DO. It’s also about how you show up and see, in the same way be with those sweet boys of yours. They just want your love, your presence, your attention. It’s ok to say “no” to some of your fun ideas to say “yes” to being more relaxed and present. Finally, you are more likely to have regrets about overdoing too much than being present too much.” 

Leave me a comment here and tell me what you want to remember this December. 

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Most Sunday mornings, my goals is to share stories from the heart, high lights and low lights, thoughts about parenting, relationships, and self-awareness. Yup, if we want close, connected families, it takes keeping ourselves and our relationships in balance. 

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