I’m having back to school blues. Sure, I like the guilt-free time sans kids during the weekdays. But now I have to shift from “summertime mom” to “school days mom.”
I like summertime mom better. She’s more fun.
More relaxed. She does fun stuff with her kids. She lets them sleep later and she doesn’t harp on them as often. (But trust me, I can always find things to harp about, regardless of the season!)
Being in “school days mom” mode takes more work and responsibility.
I have to get the kids out the door on time. Be more on top of their schedules. Be more consistent about making dinner on time and packing lunches and running a tight ship. Ugh. The kid in me doesn’t really want to shift back into grown-up mode just yet.
I guess that’s the kicker about parenthood: when someone has to be the grown up and I’m the only grown up in the room.
No one told me that I’d still feel like my younger self when I became a mom. They didn’t tell me that I would still want the best bite or the last bite or MY turn.
Becoming a mom didn’t turn off the little girl or the snippy teen in my head.
So it’s still surprising when my salty teenage self wants to have the last word and I have to catch myself and remember who is the mom.
I used to think I had to be a grown up in order to have children. Now I think it’s the other way around…. having children is growing me up.
Shifting back to school days is my uncomfortable reminder every year that I’m the one who needs to be the grown up in the house. And sometimes I just don’t feel like it.
Kerry Stutzman, MSW, LMFT
©2018 Kerry Stutzman, Head & Heart Parents